The Hideout

Lifestyle Post by: Sara Patton

Nine years of rushing.  Rushing every single vital part of my life with the constant need to provide for my family eating away at me. Rushing to work to be sitting perfectly still for 8 hours, in a 10×6 fluorescent-lit office, with the illusion of respect and importance. In reality, I was just another rat destined to lose the race.  Sometimes the sacrifices we make, as parents and/or responsible adults, become incredibly difficult to swallow.

January 2010

For the past four months, I have been overcome with the feeling of bursting at the seams, like a bird with no wings, and it can only be subsided by secretly logging in to thehideoutforum.com during working hours, or chatting with a handful of the great friends I met there.  I cannot even begin to explain the love I feel for having that outlet and those close friends by my side through all of this.  But sadly, that was merely a quick fix to the overall dilemma and unfortunately, the unraveling continued, one thread at a time.

Every day, long after working hours when the children were finally in bed is when I spent so many late nights with lots of coffee at my computer.  It had been two years in the making of constant hard work and determination to become a professional photographer.  Learning my camera’s ins and outs, getting a portfolio out there, building a client base, studying techniques and spending hours upon hours in Photoshop trying to perfect my style.  My confidence was almost ready.

I continued to tell myself “just a few more months.. when Chris gets his promotion.. I will be able to quit this awful job, stay home with my children like a mother should be able to do, and pursue photography like I have always dreamed.”  And while I persistently told myself these things, I hadn’t realized that I had already subconsciously severed all ties to my place of employment.  I guess it never actually became clear until the day the VP called a meeting to discuss my pay structure and revoke my working from home permissions (which obviously would not work for a mother of 3 small children).  I smiled politely, accepted these new terms, walked straight back to my office, heart pounding into my throat, called my husband and simply said “it’s time”.  I typed my 2 weeks’ notice and had it turned in within 10 minutes.

Looking back, it seems a bit rash, but at that moment, I felt so very powerful and in-charge as a small woman in a large corporate man’s world.  The shock on their faces is a moment in time I will savor for the rest of my life.  My remaining two weeks of full time employment were utterly surreal as a sense of quiet calm fell over me, as if that very decision was exactly what I was supposed to do at the exact time I did it.

Sure we had our financial worries but in reality we would almost break even without the expense of childcare and commute as long as I could bring in at least a little income with photography.  It seemed like a “no brainer”.

APRIL 2010

I guess it wasn’t until about a month post-employment when the panic started to set in.  The feeling of “being on vacation” was replaced with this sickening “lack of purpose” feeling gnawing at me.  For the next 3-4 months I struggled with everything from being a terrible housewife to letting down my friends and clients due to lack of time.  I guess I hadn’t anticipated my 2 year old would take up my ENTIRE day EVERYDAY.

I mean, he used to nap for the sitter, so why won’t he for me?  The only way I was going to bring in money at this rate was by duct taping my son to a wall so I could work. I felt lost.  Defeated.  Frustrated.  A disappointment.  BROKE!  I came crashing down from cloud nine and plummeted into a chaotic concrete parking lot.

MAY 2010

My husband and I had a heart-to-heart to try and come up with a solution in an attempt to avoid me going completely bat-shit crazy.  I thank the heavens every single day for him.  He is so very supportive of pretty much everything (within reason) I do/feel/think/etc. and I couldn’t have done any of this without him.

Our conclusion became to create a schedule and stick to it, and that included having outside help with my son two days a week.  That way I can put forth 100% to my house and family Monday, Tues, & Thursday, and then put forth 100% to my business and art Wednesdays and Fridays.  So far, it’s a step in the right direction.  I have had dinner on the table in time for Chris coming home, house mostly tidied, and caught up on the majority of my overdue edits.  But somehow, I still have the feeling of not getting enough accomplished, and a deep sense of guilt because my husband works all day everyday while I’m sitting at home.

JUNE 2010

It’s now been almost 6 months since I resigned from my job and my body is just now beginning to slow down.  I had no idea what a difficult adjustment this would be, but I’ve noticed that I drive slower, walk slower, chew slower and just overall take more in than ever before.  It’s a good feeling.

In conclusion, 2010 has been quite a ride thus far, with many highs and many lows, and so many more changes happening in the coming months.  Most of my fears have finally melted away for one main reason:  By the end of the year we are moving out of Columbus, to a smaller community (an arts community at that!) surrounded by nature and more family.  Our financial burden will diminish drastically, allowing me to focus more on my artistic integrity rather than be forced to conform to a particular commercial style for the money.

I can’t say I have it all figured out and that everything is “peaches n cream”, but I can tell you how much happier I am with my life, and what an improvement my overall attitude has made.  I also can’t say I wish I’d done this sooner because it just wasn’t time yet.  But I am so very thankful for the opportunities presenting themselves, and to get to notice my children’s new tricks on a daily basis, something I had missed out on for so many years.  I have even been inspired to create a personal blog dedicated to them. (http://www.mamapatton.blogspot.com/)

I guess what I’ve realized through all of this is that you can’t just sit around for years and wait for a change to happen on its own.  YOU are in charge of your future.  Know when it’s time to make the leap and do it, but not a minute sooner.  Preparation, will power, determination, organization, confidence, and support are all very important ingredients to the recipe, and with any of them left out your cookie (and sanity) will most likely crumble.  Photography, like life itself, is an ongoing, ever-evolving journey that can’t be compared with anyone else’s.  But it doesn’t hurt to have a family away from home in the same business who understands where you may be in that journey.  For me, The Hideout has been that place.  I would most certainly not be where I am today without the help of my dear friends from that forum.  Even though I don’t have as much time anymore to be there like I used to, I am still incredibly thankful for that supportive group of peers who have helped shape this ever changing journey in my life. <3

Are you considering quitting full time employment for photography?  If so, ask yourself these things:

• Are you technically ready?  Do you already have a good business foundation started?
• Do you have a visually pleasing and user friendly professional website and blog?
• Do you have reliable equipment and a file backup system?
  
• Do you have enough of a client base to bring in money?
• Do you have a specific style, all your own, clients will remember you by? That will enable you to stand out from the crowd?
  
• Are you the sole income for your household, or do you have help?
  
• If you do get busy, do you have a time management plan for all the things that happen after a shoot takes place, to get them finished in a timely fashion?
• It can be very slow starting as far as money is concerned.  Are you comfortable with living with less than you’re used to if times get tough?  Do you have a backup plan?
• Are you and your gear insured as a professional photographer? Are you prepared to do your own taxes? Have a business license? An accountant? An attorney?
• Have you researched your market?  Is your work good enough to charge about the same as other local photographers with similar target clients and skill?
• Are you prepared to deal with the competition?
  
• Are you mentally strong enough to handle one heck of a roller coaster ride? LOL

Additionally, I would like to share a few highlights I have learned in the last 2 years:

• Having a nice camera doesn’t make you a photographer.  It’s the person behind the lens and the skill they possess.
• Good glass beats the latest body ANY DAY.  Not only does it produce much better colored and sharper images, but it cuts down on the post work drastically.
• Family and “friends” WILL take advantage of you.  If you let them.
• Coffee becomes a necessity.
• There is always another Photoshop trick you don’t know about.
• Know when to say when.  There IS such a thing as too much post processing an image.
• Figure out YOUR style, perfect it, and keep delivering it.  People hire you for exactly that.
• Your pricing will attract what type of clients come to you.
• Word of mouth is the most important form of advertisement.  A referral is a happy client.  Do up a rewards system to say thank you.
• Know when to say no and refer a client elsewhere, to someone you trust.  The favor will be returned through karmic energies.
• If you have kids, you can guarantee that they hate your Photoshop time.
• As tacky as it may seem, watermarking your images is a must.  Unless you don’t mind getting stolen from.  Even from people you trust.  Clients will try and print your work to avoid paying for it. Sometimes with watermark and all.
• There is a correct way to sit at a desk.
• Creativity can’t be forced.  Figure out what moves and motivates you and always have that on hand for days you need it.
• Sometimes stepping away from the computer for a few days is a must.
• It’s extremely important to develop close relationships with some of your peers.
• Don’t mimic others’ work.  Analyze why it moves you, and try to create with that emotion in mind.
• If you work for clients mostly, it’s important to take on personal projects for growth and self expression.  The Hideout themes and challenges section is PERFECT for that.
• People like to know what you are up to. BLOG IT.
• Google reader is your friend.  Keep up on educational blogs and always stay up to date with the industry.
• Stay organized. Get a planner, make lists, file paperwork, use post-it notes.
• Be honest with yourself.
• Don’t give up.  It’s a lifelong ride.
• Practice really does make perfect.  Be willing to put in the time.

• And most importantly… Don’t let yourself ever quit dreaming